So I plated my hair! (brown hair braided in with my red hair

I hope it doesn’t all fall out when I get it out again. One of these pics also has the new dress I just got made here. It was fun we had a gift exchange at work and I was given the fabric so I got this dress made out of it. Just thought you all would enjoy seeing some pics. I also just got back from Rwanda which was super fun. I got to visit Breanne and Kendall there and it was just a beautiful drive!

kaheru fam function 18

new hairdo 16

Lets try this again

First off I need to address a very important issue. HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY ADA JUNE and Happy Anniversary to Luke and Liesel! I was thinking about all of you on your special days and Liesel I loved getting to skype you a little bit on your anniversary!
I am currently sitting under my mosquito (here the qu is pronounced like how you pronounce the qu in squeeze) net as I write. I cherish the times under my mosquito net at the end of the day it is a time to unwind, read, write and just reflect on the day. Sometimes these times are more difficult and require more discipline than others to get through my reading for the day and it feels like more of a check list than really connecting with God, other days it feels like my life source. I am learning though how to follow Christ more closely even in the every day. We can so often long for those times where we feel his presence so tangibly, for me this was so true of the beginning of my internship and as I was applying to medical school, but the true test of our faith I think comes in the everydayness of it. I have been trying just throughout the day to be in more connection with God, praying through the little things and learning to thank God for the smile on another’s face even when I can’t understand the words they are saying. Occasionally this gets funny looks from other people or people falsely thinking I understand the Luganda they’re saying, but all the same I enjoy finding joy in these small things and returning the thankfulness to God. And really it feels like a fullness sometimes, inexplicable times of just a fullness and a deep sense that this everydayness is where true life is. OK, so like I said I’m under my mosquito net so bear with me as this is part blogging part journaling and unwinding from the day.
As I was brushing my teeth thinking about this blog I intended it to just be a what I’ve been up to blog, so I will get down to the business of telling all you wonderful people what I’ve been up to an ocean away (for most of you ☺). Life has been so much busier since my advisor came. I suppose part of that is that I am now well past the half way mark of my internship and all those things that at the beginning I said I would do I now have to really start getting down to the business of doing. One such thing will take about 5 hours tomorrow beginning at 7:30 AM. I kept telling the girls at work that I would get my hair plated (your natural hair is braided/twisted with synthetic hair), so this is the weekend. As I was looking at my calendar I realized that I don’t have that many free weekends left with traveling to go visit my brother in Nairobi, the girls in Rwanda and perhaps Jason/Megan in Tanzania, so this was the weekend for plating. I will use what they call princess hair the color of coffee brown (like the color of black coffee basically) and get my hair in the style twist. Basically my red hair will be intermingled with a dark brown color for about the span of 3 weeks depending on how fast my hair grows and how quickly my mzungu hair makes the synthetic hair slip out. I am excited because I have always wondered what I would look like with different color hair and this is a chance to kind of see it without dying my hair (I’m pretty sure my mom would kill me if I dyed my hair, not to mention the countless fans of redheads ☺). SO that should be fun/painful/interesting.
Another thing I have kept saying I will do but have failed to follow through is meet Julie Buster’s friends who have been doing missions here in Kampala. Now as I have passed the 2 months left mark I figured I should make this happen, so I will meet Loring and Dan Morris with their 3 sons tomorrow for lunch. This should be fun to just connect with a family, but I know that it will also make me miss my own sister with her 2 kids and my nephew who I have yet to meet. I am excited to hang out with some kids who aren’t afraid of my white skin. Though, recently I was able to hold this little girl (about 7 months) for like 20 mins and she only cried when I began to sit down. Because there aren’t diapers here though I was definitely peed on (here it’s called sou sou… kinda cute don’t you think). But it was so fun to connect with this little baby girl, but I hated having to hold her during the immunization as the nurse at first tried to stick her with an empty needle, so we had to do it twice. Then I was elected to hold her older sister for a measles immunization. That girl was bigger and therefore had a bigger bladder and therefore I had an even bigger pee circle on my apron. Apparently if a kid pees on you here they say you will have that gender kid, so I guess I’m in for twin girls though I always imagined myself as the mother of a bunch of boys… only time will tell I guess.
At work I have settled into the much slower pace and I take the free time to read books written by Ugandan and Kenyan authors (some great and fairly inexpensive novels) or talk about culture with my co-workers. I have started my independent study and I really need to be doing more work on that during my down times at work, but it is just hard to get motivated at times.
I’ve had a good amount of Wheaton students come through my house and stay. Recently Breanne Wroughton came through after a retreat we had with my advisor in southwestern Uganda (though I think I already wrote about this). About a week, maybe 2 later Meghan Quigg and Deanna Shippe came through my house as well. They are currently studying just outside of Kampala at the Uganda Christian University in Mukono. It was so interesting to compare our experiences (they are living in a dorm) with friendships and families, etc… We stayed up until about 1:30 just talking and it was a blast to get to talk about our shared experiences at Wheaton and now our experiences here in Uganda. I was a bit more excited about going back to Wheaton after our time together, but mostly I’m still a bit freaked out. One of the things that freak me out is the weather. I am so hot all the time here and to switch to having to wear hats, scarves and gloves seems like a shock to my system every time I even think about it. I also wonder what social dynamics will look like as so many of my roommates from last year have graduated. I know that I still have a lot of friends at Wheaton, and probably even more new ones to make, it will just be different and sometimes different is scary. Another huge fear is the whole timeliness thing. I am about 15 minutes late to work every day and I have just gotten used to the rhythm of not having to be so on time with life and waiting for thigns more. Having to be on time to class and just generally having a more structured schedule will be a huge switch. I have really appreciated adapting to things here some and I know that Wheaton is just a whole different world. Then beyond that I have med school to start thinking about and it’s all just a bit crazy!
I would appreciate your prayers as many of these things can overwhelm my mind. Pray that I would continue to be present here and just cherish every moment instead of letting my mind fill with worries about my future next semester, in the next 5 years and even beyond that. So many of the things I’m learning I feel like need to become rules in my life that I follow for the rest of my life. For example as I think about how to live incarnationally and the downsides of living on a compound to really achieve this I want to make rules for myself like never live on a compound if I live overseas in the future, or think about not hiring house help or just a bunch of stuff like that. I don’t think that God works like this, I think that lifestyles depend on so many things and he doesn’t condemn those who are living on compounds or those who have house help. It’s just that I can get really wrapped up in what my future may look like that I then think baaaaahhhhh how am I going to live out this faith. This is definitely a question we need to wrestle with, but we also just need to live in the present and take one day at a time, living reflectively in the moment and intentionally as we move towards the future. God did not make us to worry about the future or regret the past, but rather to live in the moment as all of creation is being reconciled to him in the here and now. There is an already and a not yet aspect of the Kingdom of God, but these are simultaneously being worked out in the right now of life. So please pray that I could let go of some of these big questions and leave them for another day years down the road where they belong, and instead live intentionally in the here and now just cherishing every day and moment reflecting on what God is trying to teach me today.
OK again, I have digressed to topics more deep and reflective than this was intended to be, but I’m telling you it’s the mosquito net (and probably that cup of coffee that I had about 5:30 today in town… oops). So next Wednesday I head to Rwanda on a bus to visit Kendall and Breanne. I anticipate that we will also visit a genocide memorial which I have heard can be very intense. Please pray that I will be affected by what I see and that I will better connect with their experiences by visiting them. I will have about 3 weeks here in Kampala before heading out again to go visit my brother in Nairobi and perhaps the interns in Tanzania. Then I have another 3 weeks or so before I again board a bus to Nairobi, but this time I won’t be coming back to Kampala but headed to the states. This is a really hard thing to think about as I feel like I haven’t been here that long, but I also know that God has other things in store for me in the States. I am looking forward to seeing people there, it is just with great sadness that I leave my community here. So that’s my life of late in a nutshell. I hope to post pics of my new hairstyle on facebook soon.

Wrote this a few days ago

23 Oct blog.doc

Hopelessness?

So I’ve been wrestling with a certain lack of emotions during my time here in Uganda. Maybe this is extended culture shock, maybe it is an unwillingness to process what I’m experiencing here, maybe it is a coping mechanism. I’m not exactly sure what it is, but as I was reading our assignment for this month, Liberating Jonah by Miguel De la Torre, I think I discovered perhaps one possible root of my lack of emotions. De la Torre wrote this book about the marginalization experienced by persons of color, especially within the United States, because of the very nature of power structures that favor a privileged minority. He traced the historical and social roots of these problems bringing up facts of history that either I was never taught or I conveniently forgot. He talked a lot about what reconciliation is and what it should look like, not the cheap grace of insincere apologies or useless guilt or forced forgiveness, but a tearing down of the structures and empire that privileges the few. It requires that we in the privileged few identify with the marginalized by forsaking our privilege. I have realized the privileges that have been afforded me largely because of my white skin especially during my time here. In the US we so often try to be “color blind” which basically means letting things remain as they are privileging white people. Being called mzungu all the time has made me realize all the baggage associated with my skin, and how much of this baggage is not just perceived, but real. OK I know this is probably offensive to some people and I’m sorry if I’m using race or color in wrong ways or if I should be using ethnicity instead, my wording is probably off, but just hear me out. Because I’m here with an American university if there is ever political unrest or a medical emergency, I have my ticket out of here paid by a company the school signed me up for. I can go to coffee shops whenever I want to study and get out of the house. These privileges go beyond just my experiences here, but extend to life in the States, though I’m less sure of how this looks in the states as my skin color is noticed by others more while here and therefore makes me more aware of my white privilege. I do know that the neighborhood I live in and the church I go to is primarily white and there is definitely a privilege in that. It is a good book and I would encourage you to read it (note: it is kind of anti the American empire so you may not agree with some parts). But he basically ends the book on a note of hopelessness.

I have never considered hopelessness as a possibly legitimate response to the wealth disparity and death and disease attributed to poverty surrounding us in this temporal world, but as a writer from the marginalized group he challenged the hope we in the privileged group always feel compelled to end so many of our discussions with. Yes, there are people who live in slums with abundant hope, but many live in a state of hopelessness about this temporal world. Very few have aspirations to achieve anything close to the affluence they see on billboards or television. As I read letters from other interns talking about the Rwandan genocide or the horrible acts of violence against women that are occurring at what seems an ever increasing rate, I don’t hope in the people or structures to bring us through this mess, in fact I see these structures as causing many of the problems. Why do we of the privileged group feel the need to constantly end on notes of hope? Is it to make us feel somehow better about the injustices we indirectly commit everyday? Is it to help us cope with the privileges we still stand on whose foundations began to be built during the times of early colonization and slavery? Is it to help abate our guilt a little bit and encourage those dying in poverty to hold on just a bit longer because there is a light at the end of the tunnel while we ourselves are reveling in the privileges afforded us by the raging fire at the end of the tunnel?

Living and interacting with those who are of Uganda’s elite class gives me little hope that the gap between the rich and the poor is decreasing. Though I have interacted with some extremely generous people here, it doesn’t mean they are looking to fully sacrifice their privileges to live in true solidarity with the global poor. Seeing sprawling pastors compounds give me little hope, and why should we expect them to have anything but large compounds, they learned this lifestyle from the missionaries who brought the Gospel to Africa in the beginning. Living on the gated compound where I am protected from those who would want to do evil, but at the same time cut off from possible interactions with those who don’t have the nice cars or clothes that admit them entry onto the compound. Going back to the States gives me little hope that the gap is closing. Seeing the mega malls here contrasted with the wetland homes people build that flood when the rains come gives me little hope. I doubt the people living in those homes have hope they will find homes elsewhere or that they will ever be able to shop in these mega malls full of ex-pats and Uganda’s elite. There is hopelessness just seeing that the world is so unreconciled. We aren’t reconciled to each other or to God. Saying much of this is difficult for me because I realize that it is privilege that has afforded me the opportunity to go to Wheaton, privilege that enables me to take out educational loans for medical school, privilege that enables me to be who I am. I am beginning to ask how much this identity has defined me over and above my baptismal identity, how do I begin to go about making my baptismal identity supersede the identities the world recognizes in my skin color and passport?

I think much of my inability to emotionally process what I see and experience has to do with my hesitancy to really feel, experience and admit the hopelessness that I feel. By having a writer blatantly state that he has little hope that things will change in his lifetime or even his grandchildren’s lifetime allowed me to realize that I kind of feel similarly. I do recognize that we have eschatological hope that Christ is reconciling everything to himself, but that doesn’t change the plight of the child who can’t be more than 1 year old begging on the streets of Kampala. This doesn’t change the immediate plight of the man whose legs have been cut off, probably during the genocide in Rwanda or the conflict in northern Uganda who has to walk around Kampala on his hands begging from others. I just don’t know where to go.

My small contribution won’t even make a mark on the disparities and contradictions that surround me. The hope I have is that’s not what I’m in this battle for. I’m not called to make a difference, but live in obedience to Our Father. I do hold responsibility for the rights that are denied others while luxuries are afforded me. Hopelessness is not a reason to stop trying, it is just a realization that this problem will require much more than my generation or the next generation will offer. It is a realization that the power structures are SO ingrained that it will take more than the millennium development goals or our best intentions to change things. It is looking at the problem from the underside, from the perspective of those experiencing marginalization everyday. People not only need to be “brought up,” but we need to begin to forsake our privileges. I don’t know where to start and the ever-present option to return to the privilege offered me by my skin color is unavoidable. I do know that hope feels scarce in my life. Only by abiding in Christ will I learn how to really let go and begin attempting identification. I need to open myself up to the pain of the world and the love in the world. I am so self-protective that I won’t allow people and hurt in, but I need to realize that I am out of control and fall into the abiding arms of Christ to allow myself to really experience reality, the good and the bad. I need to realize that self-protection is just another aspect of the baggage afforded me by privilege.

For all you Wheaton students reading, I find myself able to resound with some of the more “depressing” HNGR chapels I’ve seen during my time at Wheaton. I can understand the chapel of the class of 2008 where they presented their experiences and didn’t end on such a hopeful note but rather a note of powerlessness. I can understand the necessity of the repeated mantra in last year’s chapel, Come Lord Jesus! That is our only hope and sometimes in the midst of this material world and through the sinfulness of humanity this truth is robbed its true hope as we oppress our brothers, sisters mothers, fathers and children. I hope like Ninevah we can put on sackcloth and ashes at the privileges afforded us due to oppression. May this not be an immobile guilt, but a sincere commitment to fight the power structures that go unquestioned and see things from the underside. I feel like a hypocrite saying really all of this, but it’s where I’m at and it’s a process of learning, I have NO idea how this ought to affect the rest of my life and the small decisions, but I hope you can prayerfully join me as I consider these questions. I fear even posting this because by sharing it with you I am more compelled to move these statements from the abstract, from the paper, to the lived out experiential and I just don’t know how to do that. Please forgive me, I’m in process but I really felt compelled to share this.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!! and on a slightly less important note: Life Lately… esp. medical school

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!!!!! You are an amazing mom and you mean so much to me. Thank you for the incredible amount of work you have done for me while over here, helping me with my medical school application, buying a plane ticket home and just generally doing the dynamics of life abroad. You have always been a rock that I get to depend on and a dear friend. I have loved seeing our relationship blossom as I have grown older and you have taken me on as one of your best friends. Our family has been defined by the love and care you and dad have showed us kids and I am so thankful for the opportunity to get to be a Mindrebo. Thank you for the amazing legacy you have followed in of your mother’s as a strong woman of God. It is an example that I get to look to daily and base my life off of. Getting to share you with my friends has been such a joy and I love the wise words you continually offer to us in our unique situations. You are just amazing and I can’t wait to see you again!

Well I just got back from an amazing trip to Lake Bunyoni in southwestern Uganda near the Rwanda border. My visitor for HNGR came to check up on me and we decided to take a little time for retreat and reflection at the end of her stay. Kara Robinson came in lieu of her father Paul Robinson and though I won’t speak for her ability to replace him in any way, I really did enjoy having her here. She was a great person to talk to about my independent study (on family planning in rural villages), the different dynamics of my internship that I am struggling with and share with her the joys of being here in Uganda. It is funny when you have visitors how you realize that you have become less of a guest and take on more of the host position. This is really a joy to get to host people and something I have enjoyed so much at Wheaton (miss you all), so getting to do it here is just so fun.

So yeah, we went to Lake Buyoni and stayed on this beautiful island. It was cold (at 6000 feet) which was such a nice change from the sticky heat of Kampala. We stayed on an island and were fed like queens. One of the coolest things about going there was the fellowship we got to enjoy with a Peacecorps volunteer there, Sarah. She has been staying on this small island for 1 year and has another year left. It was crazy to run into her and just share so much in common in our faith. It was really encouraging to us to get to talk with her about all that God has been doing in her life and I really loved getting to encourage her in her faith. She doesn’t get too much fellowship on the island and though she goes to the village church there, the cross cultural dynamics are very different and their faith journeys look different, so just getting to fellowship with her was an amazing gift to all of us. I may get to do some traveling with her down the road which would be really fun.

While we were at Lake Bunyoni I was expecting a call from my mom at any moment about my acceptance to IU medical school. It has been a really amazing process of applying and seeing the Lord be faithful through it all and I was just excited to see how things would turn out with my application. I was nervous in some ways but feeling confident that I would probably get in as my interview went really well. I was sitting on this beautiful porch looking out over the lake and a beautiful sunset when the call finally came on October 1. Mom was acting all somber on the phone not telling me the news straight away but asking how I was doing and what I was doing. Finally, she let the news break that she had checked the mailbox today and there had been a letter from IU, I had been accepted. The one problem she mentioned was that there was a mandatory ceremony on August 13 and 14. I couldn’t figure out the problem of this and questioned her further, “well will you be here” then she finally relented, “oh yeah that is August next year.” It was a funny little part of the conversation. She also told me that Ada June, my little niece had recently been injured as many 2 year olds do, but hers was special. She got a black eye from pulling a chair down, but the really funny part was Luke, her dad had been teaching her a few days before how to say “I’m pretty but I’m tough,” so now she chants the mantra with a big shiner on her eye. I love getting to hear little updates like this from home, they are just so real life experiences and I love getting to share in them.

So about medical school again. I have definitely felt led and called there, but in many ways I am so scared of medical school. It is something I have thought about doing nearly my whole life, but as I got the news I was like “aaaaahhhhhh the next 4 years of my life and then the whole ‘rest of my life.’” It is weird that even what people call me will change for the rest of my life. It was really good to have Breanne Wroughton’s reaction to my freak out be “well duh.” I guess it is a pretty legitimate response and by seeing it as a fine response to such news I have been able to recognize my fears and anxieties and choose to take one day at a time. I am excited for next year, I am excited to get to study about our amazing bodies, I am excited to get to settle into a new life in Indianapolis, but as far as being excited about “the rest of my life” I just feel like that is too big to handle. I am so thankful to all the people who have helped this happen, especially my mom. There were some great family members with great comments on my personal statement, Liesel, Luke, mom, dad and Uncle Daryl especially, thank you so much you helped me make my personal statement much more vivid and compelling! God has been so good in the whole process, I think I have shared some of that on this blog, but just getting to see his faithfulness in that I started the application a week, maybe a week and a half before it was due. I just can’t believe that it all worked out in acceptance. God clearly has this for me and in the midst of my anxiety about “the rest of my life” I can hold onto this history of faithfulness and I though I don’t know what the rest of my life looks like the one thing I know is he will remain faithful for the rest of my life. Thank you also for all of your prayers and partnering in this with me!

My friend Breanne Wroughton is visiting with me right now so I need to wrap this email up and go play hostess. It has been great to have her around and do the “girl talk” that I haven’t gotten to do in Uganda with all brothers here it is so interesting how different dynamics are. I just wanted to share a bit of life recently and especially about IU with all of you. I can’t believe that time is going so fast, in some ways I wish it weren’t as I am enjoying my time here so so much, but I suppose I get to see you all sooner so that is nice! Please pray as I finish out this internship that my mind will remain open and not judgmental and that I will live out my daily faith. Sometimes those mountaintop experiences can be so enticing and you can wish for a repeat of such experiences, but there is such sweetness in the everyday. I hope to continually relish this sweetness and grow closer with my Savior each day and encounter life in prayer and reflection. Peace and Grace be upon you each this day!

Cultural pluses and minuses

So this blog post is just going to be a little diddy about Ugandan culture as I have experienced it so far. I am going to write it as things I hope “stick” from Ugandan culture in my life and those things I would be willing to do without.

Things I hope stick:

1. The value on family is really significant here, at least as I have experienced it. Your best friends are your family. If they aren’t biologically related to you they are named as though they were. Aunties, uncles and cousins are those who fulfill the role your biological aunties, uncles and cousins fill of sources of wisdom and best friends. Similarly, the kids of my sisters and brother would be considered my own kids. I love the idea that Ada and Mack aren’t just Liesel’s kids, but my kids. I am called Auntie Em, but they aren’t really called my niece and nephew, but rather my own kids. Here people speak of our children in that we all share in the burden of bringing up the next generation. I hope that as my friends start having kids I can be Auntie Em to them, I hope that I can see their development and wellbeing as my own responsibility, not just the responsibility of their biological parents. I have loved the parallels this kind of thinking as to what we as the Body of Christ are supposed to be. I am to see the next generation as my own kids, I am to share the burden of raising them up. The older generation is full of aunties and uncles, mothers and fathers that have done the same for me. I look forward to the ways that my time here in Uganda has reshaped my imagination enabling me to better fulfill my different roles in the Church.
2. I LOVE the value placed on hospitality and visiting. Part of our work with the Luke Society is home visiting. I love being received into people’s home in order to just talk with people. When I asked especially what we talk to AIDS patients about when we visit them the response was pretty much anything. It is more the act of visiting and making people feel good psychologically by hosting people than really talking about things of great importance. Beyond just my work at the Luke Society I have experienced hospitality in the context of my greater community. Sunday is reserved for visiting and hosting. Anytime I see my extended family here (host family that is) is a Sunday. No one works and Kampala city pretty much shuts down as very few are out and about. If someone drops by at meal times they are served. In the states you have to plan a visit at least a few days in advance, but here you can just show up, I love this! Watch out friends I may be stopping by expecting food more often! No but really this is just something I want to encourage my friends to do with my house or wherever I am staying, I want to be the kind of person you can just drop by to visit without warning.
3. Greeting is also really important here. You can’t just walk into a room without greeting everyone, even strangers. This felt extremely weird for me at first, but I have come to love it. I love that we ask how people are doing even if we don’t know them. Often the answers are just the standard “fine,” but just to know that someone cares about you and is genuinely asking how you are doing is significant for me, especially on those not so good days. I appreciate that when I don’t see my auntie for a day she remembers and asks why I didn’t greet her yesterday. There is a focus on just being with people more than we have in the States. When I go to greet someone I can’t just greet and run, I have to sit with them a bit maybe ask them about their weekends, how people at home or how their day was. I hope that this value can be incorporated into how I do life.
4. Cleanliness is super important here. So you may think OK she is in Uganda, she gets to wear t-shirts and jeans every day. NOT TRUE. I look way better everyday here than I have at any other time in my life. I take way more showers and I am much more concerned about washing my clothes after just wearing them once. Rooms must be swept at least twice a week, we clean the Luke Society daily and people notice your physical appearance a lot. One day I didn’t shower because I woke up late and rolling into work with a kind of greasy face my friend asked if I had changed my Vaseline (what they use for lotion here) because I was looking a bit oily. I think all these things are really funny considering I am a girl who likes playing in mud puddles and getting kind of dirty, but it is something that I have come to appreciate. We’ll see if these qualities follow me back to the United States. Especially as I think about a profession as a doctor I am realizing how important it is to be “smart” to be respected. You also respect yourself more in some ways and take on a more “serious” attitude when you are dressed up.
5. Kids are important. I think this was covered somewhat in the family section, but people just love kids here. It doesn’t matter if the kid is yours or not, you care for the kid getting into trouble and make sure they are being taken care of at all times. You can pick up the kid of a stranger and its OK because overall people just assume that you are taking care of the kid. I got to witness this in a special way in Kenya where my niece was playing at a playground at this restaurant and one of the waitresses was helping her with the slide and just playing with her without thinking twice about helping “mother” her. While I don’t think I ought to start picking up random kids in the states, I do just want to be free to help out my friends and family with their kids without feeling like I’m overstepping my bounds in some way.
6. The people. I wish I could bring all of my friends and family back with me, I guess I’ll just have to come back J
7. Wow, one of the most important and I almost forgot it… the cooking! I am loving learning how to cook like a true Ugandan. We don’t have all the supplies in the states, but I’m learning how to make some substitutions so cooking delicious Ugandan food is possible. Seriously, I don’t think I have ever tasted beans that are so delicious! The other great thing is many of the most common dishes are fairly simple and cheap ingredients, perfect for my future as a med school student (hopefully… I find out by October 1 so be praying!).

Things I would be OK to leave in Uganda

1. Animal cruelty… I saw this guy pulling on this poor dog’s tail while he tried to get away whining the whole time and the guy was just laughing. When he let go he said sorry dog, but didn’t really seem to feel any remorse
2. Slow walking. I can’t quite believe how slow people walk. I had a really hard time adjusting at first as evidenced by the fact that a co-worker asked if I was injured cause I was walking so funny, I just had to explain that I’m used to walking really fast and I’m still adjusting.
3. BAD traffic habits. Really, people hardly seem to care about their well-being when driving and take the most ridiculous risks to get like a 2 car advantage. The traffic jams get so bad in the city that travel times can jump from a too long 1 hour to a ridiculous 2 hour. The only way to overcome the “jam” is by taking these scooter bikes that dart through cars and traffic to get you there in a timely fashion.
4. All the greasy and salty foods. It is really amazing how many foods use so much cooking oil. It makes them delicious, but I think I can do some of this cooking without the oil or at least with less oil. At tea, which it would be so strange to have without some kind of food, the only real options are all fried foods so each day at 10 I take either fried pancakes, donuts or samosas which are kind of like egg rolls in a triangle shape with meat, eggs or peas in the middle. I’ll be happy to get back to salads I don’t have to fear eating for the ever present threat of traveler’s diarrhea!

OK I think that’ll do for now. Maybe I’ll add to this later, but I hope you enjoyed this little window into Ugandan culture as I’ve experienced it. For all you at Wheaton you can look forward to some awesome times at my apartment/house/shack that I’ll be staying at next semester full of greetings, good food, new family names and more lessons about Ugandan culture. If I wanted to be a true Ugandan woman maybe I’ll even kneel as I serve you!

long needed update

You may have heard that there have been riots in Kampala. I am very safe where I am and things are fairly peaceful though tense at this point. I am in Kampala now and the streets are more empty than normal and there is a greater military/police presence, but other than that everything is normal.
My sister just had her baby on September 12. Magnus Emmanuel is a beautiful baby boy… this is such a joy!

So… um sorry I’ve been really silent on the blog front lately. Yeah, my bad. I think a large part of it had to do with the fact that I just went back to the states for medical school interview at Indiana University and I just didn’t really know what people would think of me as a HNGR intern coming back to the states for a week. I am learning how much fear dominates my actions. My mom lent me this book When People are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency and Fear of Man. I am learning a lot from it and how I care what other people think much more than what God thinks of me. So I guess this blog entry is a lot about just being honest with you people who care about me. I flew back to the US on August 31. My interview was Sept 3, then I came back to Uganda September 5. It was a crazy week and I am pretty exhausted at the end of it all, but hopefully it was worth it.

I found out about a month ago that Indiana University School of Medicine wanted me to come for an interview. I applied early decision which means that the application process works a bit faster for me, but if I am accepted to IU, then I can’t go to any other med schools next year. This is convenient for me in Uganda because I only wanted to apply to one school anyways. I will know by October 1 if I have been accepted to IU. I think I have blogged about this before, but even applying to med school has been quite a big deal for me. God has made himself known in Uganda in startlingly new and amazing ways. I have come to trust in him so much more and I realized that most of the reasons I didn’t want to attend medical school had to do with my fear that God couldn’t be faithful to keep me through medical school. I also just feared putting myself on the line because there is always the possibility of rejection and failure. God is teaching me a lot about myself and I have rediscovered my passion for helping people through medicine. I have really come to the point of realizing that though medicine, especially as a woman, can be one of the most terrifying commitments, God will be faithful and to do anything else in my life I think would lead to half hearted commitments and a life lacking passion.

I have been amazed at how he has worked even in the application process. I decided to apply and had my application submitted within a week. God ordained that none of my family members would actually be in the United States by the time my mom actually pressed the submit button. I don’t have regular internet here in Uganda and my mom did a lot of the more mundane parts of my application like basic information and entering in all my course work. My family helped in editing my personal statement and everything just worked out so well. It was amazing that I have wanted to be a doctor nearly my whole life, but when it came right down to applying, it took one week of hard work and dedication while others take months forming their application.

OK, so that is basically the back story of me applying. After inquiring at the medical school and other sources of wisdom in my life I realized that I would have to fly back to the US for my interview. IU really wanted/required students to be in person for the interview and of all the people I asked, everyone seemed to think it was a good idea to go for the interview. This was another place where I just had to trust God. In some ways I was really looking forward to being home and in others it just seemed so daunting. When it finally came time to leave Uganda I just didn’t want to go. This was a good feeling to get to hold onto as I got on the plane to come back to Uganda realizing that the plane ride would be long, but I would get to be back where I belong. I am coming to realize how difficult yet fast-approaching my final departure in December will be.

God blessed me with a quick recovery from jet lag and a really great interview. I’ll keep ya’ll posted, but I hope that I will get a favorable decision by October 1. IUSM is a really great school and the more I learned about it, the more I just really want to attend this school. Being with my family was really great and I loved getting to see my almost 2 year old niece. She has so many more words than the last time I saw her and she was such a joy. We had lots of nice family meals all together and it just felt normal. In some ways I just tried to avoid thinking too much about the paradoxes between my 2 different contexts which felt so much like I was just trying to survive instead of thrive, but for a week long trip thinking like that so much seemed overwhelming.

I loved getting to talk on the phone with some of you and it was great to have Becca stop by my house on her way up to Michigan from Vanderbilt. It is amazing just how being with people can kind of put you at ease. I loved getting to see her and just hang out a bit. I had like a 3 hour layover in Chicago and as I was talking with my little sister Sally and Becca I realized that some of our Wheaton friends (Em Austin, Tim Dennison and Julie Buster) who were joining them in Michigan would be driving right by the airport. It worked out amazingly well for them to “stop by” and visit with me for like an hour at the airport. I loved getting to see their faces (nice haircut Em!) and just visit with them. It was such a joyous surprise for us all to get to reunite if only for a short time! I’m sorry for those of you who I didn’t call or didn’t tell I was coming back. The trip in itself just seemed so overwhelming that to think about talking to my 5 million friends at home seemed impossible, I hope you’ll forgive me and not feel slighted, but just give me some grace in this situation.

Getting back to Uganda was kind of refreshing. Life at home was busy and it was nice to get back to the slower pace of life here. I think it will be difficult for some of the spiritual habits I’ve built up during my time in Uganda to carry over to the busy life of the States. I am so thankful for this time to just come to know Christ better as my friend and abide in his presence. This was more difficult during my time at home and something that if I’m not intentional about will be completely missed. In some ways this trip home was a good reminder that I need to be more intentional about thinking through these things before returning for my Spring semester at Wheaton.

I wrote the blog just below about 3 weeks ago but failed to post it… sorry, hope you enjoy hearing a bit about my life 3 weeks ago!

A very bad (synonym: adventurous) day

Becky said “you know I’ve never had a bad day like this,” but in my mind I was ranking Saturday evening as one of the best adventures I’ve had during my time in Uganda. Becky (my only coworker close to my age) and I made plans to attend a wedding together this past Saturday evening. The whole week she had been on the fence as to if we would go or not, but finally we decided to go. I was stoked, I had just had a new skirt and top made with a sweet headscarf. The final touches were added Friday afternoon just before I picked it up and I was excited to get to wear it to this wedding on Saturday. Becky and I had bought these shiny gold heels (Becca reminded me of yours) in town so I would look extra smart (here used as a substitute for “your clothes are great”). As I was packing to leave home to meet Becky in Kampala huge rain clouds began to form and my host brother told me “it’s about to rain any moment and hard” so I took off in a hurry for town. Half way to town I realized that the gorgeous shoes I had purchased to go with the dress were still in my closet at home and I would have to wear the black Birkenstocks to the wedding instead. I texted Becky this sad but really funny news and we had a good laugh about it as we started the journey to her house.

The adventure started on our journey. It was only drizzling when we left Kampala but on the motorcycle ride to her house it began to rain harder and harder. Dirt roads, motorcycles and exposed calves equal very dirty legs. When we got to her house the power was still out, but thankfully the water was on and I was able to wash myself and my dirty Birkenstocks for the wedding. We got dressed, finally convinced her cousin to get a move on and come to the house and finally left for the wedding. Her cousin’s feet were just a bit smaller than my feet and I was able to barely squeeze into the gold shoes she was going to wear and she borrowed from Becky. We arrived at the reception late, but just on time to get some cake (at this wedding cake was served before the meal). Our seats were less than ideal as we were pushed against the walls of the tent squished just behind a table full of people and the draft coming from the bottom of the tent was chilly. Becky hadn’t eaten lunch and was anxious to be served food, but as time went on… and on… and on… they just kept talking about things in Luganda (I think a pastor gave a sermon, lots of different speeches, etc…) and food was not served. Finally, the time came, we were anxious to be dismissed to serve ourselves but it soon became clear that as many things in Africa, organization was out the window and it was kind of a free for all to get food. We reached this conclusion too late and the line was miles long. Becky was hungry and decided we would not wait for the food, but go forage on our own in the big bad world.

Here began another adventure as 3 women in heels we walked out to the main road and signaled down 2 motorcycles to take us to the nearest restaurant. I was in quite a tight skirt and unsure of my side saddle capabilities and the stability on slightly slippery roads so I quite ungracefully straddled the motorcycle. After a bit we arrived at the restaurant. Many things were being said in Luganda between Becky and her cousin, but I was in the dark. As we perused the menu I decided on the fish and chips, but soon Becky explained she wanted to just purchase some cooked pork to bring home…more waiting, but at least we would save some money. But, the restaurant didn’t have pork and the chicken was ridiculously expensive so we again hit the road and walked to the closest supermarket. Purchasing some sausage we finally felt relief at having some food, now if only we could get motorcycles to take us home.

Back on the street we flagged down a motorcycle but as we were explaining where we wanted to go the guy took off. We were all a bit surprised, but as for me, so much stuff like that happens here where I have no idea why someone does something, so I didn’t think much of it. As we were bartering with the second driver, a taxi (the cheaper but less convenient option) came by and we left the motorcycle for the taxi. The taxi dropped us off at the stop nearest Becky’s house and as we stepped down from the asphalt road to the dirt road leading down to her house we realized why the motorcycle driver took off while we were telling him where we wanted to go. The road was full of piles of dirt yet to be spread for the repair of the road, but the rain had washed down these piles of loose dirt making the whole road into one big mud pie. There we were 3 girls in heels faced with the task of traveling the 1 km downhill in this mud pie. May I also add to the story that my family has made fun of me pretty much my whole life about how I can’t walk in heels and the heels I had on were getting more and more uncomfortable every minute as my feet were too big and the shoe was too small. I thank God for humor because sometimes that’s the only thing that gets you through. As we were going we saw at least 2 cars with tires spinning nearly stuck in the muck (stop rhyming now I mean it…). Becky and her cousin were apologizing the whole time and I was trying not to laugh too loud, but I’m pretty sure it might have sounded a bit like crying to them. The whole situation was absolutely hilarious. The most amazing part of the story is no one fell. I’m pretty sure I looked ridiculous the whole time with my arms outstretched like a tightrope walker as I found my way through the mud, but when you can’t walk in heels to begin with, that’s what you gotta do. We finally arrived back home around 10:30 made a quick but much needed dinner and headed to bed.

In summary I LOVED getting to tackle this difficulty with Becky and her cousin. Recently I’ve been reflecting on how I feel closest to people when we’ve just shared life and especially adventures together. I feel closest to those people from Wheaton with whom I’ve lived, shared long car trips, or gone on ridiculous adventures. Uganda has felt surreal as life is just so normal here that I feel I can have really superficial relationships with people because we aren’t doing the crazy ridiculous things that bring me closer to people in the States. I was so happy to get to share this “very bad day” with Becky and her cousin and I’m sure it will give us great belly laughs in the future together. I’m attaching some pictures (hopefully) of me in my new dress… YEAH!!! And our feet after the very long walk.

my new kitenge after the long walk

my shoes after 1 km in the mud

God is good to make me a woman

I wish I could express to you all how good God is. Really truly I am amazed at the people he has made, the ways he works in my life to get to meet these people and the ways he just leads me through all of life. I could tell you a lot of ways the Lord’s faithfulness has been made so evident in my life recently, but I’m going to focus on just one story from today! I woke up this morning before the sun came up (rare for a Saturday). I wasn’t sure last night whether I could motivate myself to get out of bed, but the Lord gifted me with an awake and alert mind ready to go for the day. I was half heartedly planning on going to a women’s fellowship meeting at All Saints Church that I had found out while visiting the church last Sunday with Jordan, Joel and Dr. Mckray (advising professor for the 2 other HNGR interns in Kampala). I have been attending Kampala Baptist Church my whole time here and I’ve learned a lot and figured out how to be content in a church that I don’t particularly love. Going to All Saints however, was life giving and I loved getting to be in a situation where a woman preached from the pulpit and I was surrounded by more black faces than white faces (there were a lot of mzungus at Kampala Baptist).
Anyways, getting to go to this women’s meeting at All Saints made my love for this church grow even more! I loved getting to sing hymns with all these women who sing loud no matter if they are off key or not and just love the Lord. The reverend who came to speak to the group was to talk about women in ministry. I was somehow expecting him to sketch out the role that women should play in the church dealing with those "difficult" passages about women covering their heads, etc… Instead he gave this life giving joyful message about 2 women often ignored in Scripture. The first was Anna in Luke 2 (at the very end). He pointed out that Anna gave herself over to the Lord NIGHT AND DAY in prayer and fasting. She was married only 7 years before she became a widow and presumably spent the rest of her life at the temple preaching, praying and living expectantly for the Lord. She had this great ability to be faithful to the Lord in a really intense way for nearly 60 years spent in the temple. The pastor talked about how her passion and drive to be faithful to the Lord was not seasonal, but consistent. He talked about her unique gifting as a woman to be faithful to the Lord in such a way continually seeking his face day and night. He contrasted Anna to Simeon, Simeon lived in expectation but as far as we know wasn’t as devoted to the Lord as Anna, the Lord told him he wouldn’t die before seeing the Christ and he was able to tell Mary something that she already knew, that Jesus was the Messiah. Anna on the other hand was going about her faithfulness in a very public manner and continued to pass on the Word about the Messiah after Jesus and his family departed.
The pastor also talked about Hannah in 1 Samuel. Hannah was barren and went to the temple to pray. Somehow she was crying out and pouring her anxiety on the Lord in here heart, but the sound wouldn’t come out of her lips. Eli thought she was crazy and when he confronted her admonishing her to give up wine, she said I’m not drunk, don’t consider me a worthless woman, I’m pouring my anxiety on the Lord. At this Eli blessed her that the Lord may give her what she desires. We talked about how Hannah was fervent in seeking the will of the Lord and that sometimes when we’re deep in our faith like that we can be misunderstood, even by those in the church, but instead of being upset when people question us we are to give a gracious and truthful answer pointing people back to Christ.
I guess it’s a bit hard to explain, but somehow the reverend’s words just made me so thankful to be a woman, something that I often don’t feel very much. In the church it is easy to get discouraged as being a woman sometimes feels like a second class citizen, but hearing these Ugandans speak about the inherent gifts in our womanhood made me so joyful. I was joyful to get to identify with the women who after seeing the empty tomb went to spread the word to everyone about what they had seen, the disciples saw them as crazy, but they were consumed in the will of the Lord. I was happy to get to identify with Anna as a woman who spent her life, day and night at the temple in prayer and fasting. I was thankful for the reminder of Hannah seeking the Lord’s face so earnestly that others saw her as crazy. I was thankful that after the events at the temple we are told that Mary, not Joseph, treasured up all these things in her heart. As women, we have a special ability to remember and store up the Lord’s faithfullness in our hearts. So women, stand in thankfullness for the strong women God has placed as examples for our lives. Be thankful that the Lord has made us just the way we are, even though men may see us as crazy. Be thankful that we get to be vessels of the Lord’s faithfulness in our lives to remind those around us of the ways that God has been so good. Embrace your womanhood because it truly is a gift to be different from men who we can often envy as they seem to hold so much power. We have a power of our own that I got to see in a group of Ugandan women as they spoke about the mercies fo being a woman. After the meeting we had tea and these women were so kind inviting me to all kinds of events and even to sing in the choir… we’ll see!

More about God’s faithfullness amidst Malaria

I wrote this just as it all was happening, so hopefully it captures a bit more of the passion I feel about the Lord’s amazing provision than my last post

Sometimes the mercy and provision of the Lord absolutely astounds me. It ought to bring me to my knees in gratefulness and amazement. Let me tell you of the Lord’s faithfulness in my life. So I got malaria and the Lord provided in myriad ways for me in the midst of this sickness. First, the HNGR office just a few weeks ago sent out imbedded in a newsletter the information that malarone (the malaria prophylaxis treatment I’m taking daily) isn’t 100% effective. Second, I work at a medical clinic and therefore have the knowledge of the basic symptoms of malaria. As I was feeling bad starting with a cold and progressing throughout the weekend to chills and fever at different points along with fatigue and an achy body I began to suspect that perhaps I had malaria.
I emailed Paul Robinson whose wonderful wife Margie is a travel nurse at Wheaton who kindly spoke with Britt Black the director of health services at Wheaton. They let me in on some very helpful information about malaria medications in East Africa how my allergy to Sulfa would influence the kinds of drugs I could take. My initial reaction to sulfa when I was in middle school was a questionable reaction to eye drops when I developed a rash, but I have carried with me that I am “probably” allergic to sulfa ever since then. At first I thought this would be a great inconvenience as most anti-malarial drugs contain sulfa. It turns out that my questionable reaction in middle school was totally God’s hand in this whole situation. Because of this allergy I had to get a more expensive (only 7 US dollars) drug. The really great thing about this drug is it comes from Belgium and therefore is less likely to be tainted or counterfeit as some drugs on the market in East Africa are. God also led me to purchase the Oxford Handbook to Tropical Medicine from Kampala this weekend where I have been reading all about malaria and the different treatment options available. In this book I read that the specific drug I’m taking (artenam, chemical name beta-artemether an artemysin derivative) has no documented cases of resistance worldwide as of 2007. Basically God has provided for me a drug that is basically guaranteed to be effective against malaria and he gave me the wisdom through different sources within all this to guide and direct me to this specific medication. God is so good that I work at a medical clinic with nurses and a doctor who are knowledgeable in malaria and could diagnose me even though my blood test was negative (because of the prophylaxis medication I was taking).
I am so thankful and I have been amazed how many small and big stories I have like this of the Lord’s amazing provision in my life, especially during this time on HNGR where I feel so exposed. God is using these moments of weakness to make me more dependent on him and trust in the wisdom and guidance of other people to show me where to go. God holds everything in his hands from transport to health and I have taken great comfort in getting to experience his provision in my life. I am amazed that even back in middle school with a questionable reaction to sulfa the Lord has been preparing the way for me to get the best medical treatment available here in Uganda. He knows our needs before we can even imagine them!

Of late

So a lot has happened since I last blogged.
First, I got malaria. It wasn’t too bad because I was on prophylaxis treatment so I had a mild case, but it was still a bit scary to be sitting in bed sleepless from chills not sure why I was feeling so sick. I was able to really see the hand of the Lord throughout the whole illness from getting really good meds from Belgium to the provision of me working at a medical clinic with a doctor readily available to prescribe the right drugs. I am allergic to sulpha so I couldn’t take many of the most common meds. Malaria is a really treatable disease here and besides being really weak, nauseous and having crazy weird temperature swings for about a week, I was fine. While I was finishing treatment for malaria, my brother came to visit me from Nairobi. He is doing an internship there until December and he had a bit of extra time between beginning his internship and visiting my sister there so he came to Uganda. It was really great to get to see a familiar face and hang out with my brother. I enjoy talking about life with him and just getting to be together. We went rafting on the Nile, like nothing I have ever experienced and probably never will experience again. The rapids were formed by sheer masses of water, not rocks like in Colorado. It was crazy when the boat flipped (happened a few times) and you were just sucked underwater for 2-20 seconds hoping that the life vest would eventually bring you up again. It was really fun to get to do with my brother, an outdoor recreation major, and just feel brave because he was there. I have enjoyed sharing this East African experience with so much of my family and this was yet another opportunity to share this saga of our lives. Our guide was absolutely awesome and if any of you go rafting with Adrift go with Tutu. He began at the age of like 15 carrying boats down to the water and he moved on to being a rescue kayak and now is a full time guide. He was great at explaining things and just making us all feel really comfortable. I loved getting to experience the massiveness of God’s creation in such a visceral way!
One of the first few nights my brother was here I got to talk with my parents on the phone for the first time since being in Uganda. It was such a joy to get to hear their voices and I confessed that I really wanted to go to medical school. The early decision deadline for Indiana University School of Medicine was August 1 and I didn’t think it would possible to pull my application together. My mom was awesome and just put her life into hyper drive pulling together so much for my application, requesting all my transcripts, etc… before they left for a family reunion in Canada. On my end I started working on my personal statement and pulling together all my work experiences. God really showed up in the whole process and I was able to submit my application early. It was especially amazing to see God work in this way as neither my family nor I were in the country and both of us were using internet cafes to complete the application and finally submit it. God decided to use this situation to just show his amazing power in orchestrating the whole application.
Seeing medicine here and experiencing the amazing gift that being able to heal someone is has really affected me and made me want to pursue medicine. I think that fear played a big part of holding me back from a life committed to medicine. I have learned in Uganda to rely on Christ for even the smallest need and I know that his faithfulness here will carry me through medical school and a life of medicine. Much of college was spent trying to find anything but medicine to be passionate about, but in the end I am passionate about medicine and being here in Uganda has made that all the more evident in my life. Please pray as I am considered for an interview and if I am selected for the logistics of doing an interview from Uganda! I am excited about where God is leading me and I would be so excited to get to become a doctor. If you want to hear more about my journey, shoot me an email and I can send you more information and perhaps my personal statement. I wish I were more passionate about writing right now because I want to express to you all what a God thing it has been that I am even considering medicine and that I would apply to medical school for next year. God has been so good and so faithful here, I am brought to my knees in thankfulness!
Beyond praying about the above, please pray that I would continue to remain present here. I find my mind wandering back to the world of Wheaton and my friends all around the globe. I try to turn this to prayer as much as possible, but sometimes I just long for news from everyone and to get to sit with them and hear what the Lord is doing in their lives and try to express the ways God has been working in my own life. I have truly been amazed at how God has been my constant rock amidst what feels like often superficial relationships here. I need to continue to commit to the hard task of growing deep with friends though I avoid being vulnerable with people, even at Wheaton. I fear what others may think of me and I fear the pain of rejection or in the case of Uganda, inevitable departure. I am praying that the Lord will continually open my heart to others and make me more vulnerable with those around me. Also pray as I consider taking a week off work to climb Mt. Kenya. I’m just not sure what I want to do, I’ve felt absent for the past month and I’m not sure what a week long trip would be like! I miss you all and if you get a chance let me know what you’re up to! I know many of you are starting school soon, so exciting! Enjoy your last bit of freedom.